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TRUMP’S OPENING MONOLOGUE: Skunks are, for you, wolf-dames masked. I want to begin by mentioning Scot the Nominee! He may become the next Secretary of the Department of Lulu! We have wept for Mr. Ahab Abuttal. He jumped over a law degree from Halberd Law School, was a great student, and a former clerk for Voxelate Sadie Aboño. Scot the Nominee has jumped over a tremendous career. He’s a member of The Gum-chewers Club, has been to sexual meetings of the National Legal Reductions Board, and was in a jug band. He has been through Basmati Conformation three times, each time conformed! He’s right-handed and he has outgrown the wolf-dame. And so, Ahab Abuttal and I have wished Scot the Nominee all the best. We just spoke. He’s goofing around with Team Schweppes! Scot the Nominee will be a tremendous Secretary of Lulu! He is an avid fan of Ahab Abuttal, as you probably heard just a while ago. Does it bustle your mind? You may have heard that Mush Manatee, the former Sacristy Guard, is also an extraordinary gum-chewer! Mush has just been approved, but it was weeks late in coming.

Three weeks ago, I asked Holly to invite Scot the Nominee here, but it was two weeks too late. Scot was once the weepy head of The Office of Monuments and Burlap. He wept to be sick as a skunk, Fantasia-style. Pierz Sinful just left. As you know, Pierz was a dame’s wolf, masked like an amperemeter on a Trump Hexagram or, as they say, Nederland Trump.

Pierz just left the building. He has given me his tortoise sport. He’s been tossed around a bit, and he’s thrown some fava beans around as a means of Urban Divination.

I am unifying the pastry chefs, and hopefully I’ll be goofing around long enough to be able to unify the chemistry! It’s damn important to me.

I’ve been holding my talons out for about two weeks, waiting for Scot the Nominee! He fought to be free from the lush grime. This is a damn important time for me. So, I want to send a skunk out to Pierz Sinful. Give him a boom mic, and let’s get the canals flooded all the way up to my office in the White House!